How to become an Arsenal social media star

Dear Gooners across the globe,

Thank you for taking the time to read this instruction manual. It has been circulated to every fan that is registered with us, and in light of recent events over the last few seasons we think it is time we acted. Football fandom has changed inexorably with the explosion of social media. Before, if you wanted to share your opinion with the world then the post-match phone-in was king. Now, thanks to Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and Snapchat, everyone has the power to broadcast their own voice and act upon any impulse to air their views.

It is both a blessing and a curse.

Surfing the web is now packed with interesting articles and compelling videos, as well as some material that is well worth swerving. This is where we would like to step in.

We have kept our fingers on the pulse and noticed the rise in mobile broadcasting from within The Emirates during match days. Our home becomes a hive of sharing, and we would like Arsenal to become the face of such activity.

We already have the most popular internet show, and we feel that every one of our fans can only add to our power on the web. We not only want to become the biggest club on the pitch - we want to become the biggest club on the World Wide Web.

So it is with this in the forefront of our minds that we issue you all with some helpful tips and instructions to aid you all in becoming a modern fan and embracing the power you all have at your fingertips.

How to Become an Arsenal Internet Icon

1. Build a reputation as a 'straight-talking-salt-of-the-earth fan'
   Before kick-off, locate your nearest Arsenal Fan TV outlet and ensure your views are heard. Screen time will be allotted based on entertainment value and cringe-worthiness. The key to being a successful internet TV personality is an angry demeanour, proficiency in using the "two finger gun" point, general incoherence, a complete lack of self-awareness and obstreperousness. Additionally, depending on your age and attire, frequent use of the following words is essential to growing your profile: Blud, fam, mate, lissenyeh, naw, yanowot, oh my days and yagetme.
2. Demonstrate your superior tactical knowledge
   Every Twitter rant, Facebook post, TV appearance and YouTube video must contain a reference to tactical positioning, formations, zones or training ground routines with specific reference to how crap something was and how you know better because you've played FIFA since Bergkamp was last on the cover.
3. Prove that you go to games because that makes you a better qualified fan
   All cameras must be turned inward to face yourself. Videos and pictures during the game of you singing and shouting not only welcomed but necessary. Remember - if you don’t record it, it didn’t happen.
4. Go viral
   Success is found in retweets and number of shares. The more vocal your response, the better you will be received. Show your passion not with singing like in days of yore, but with videos! No-one cares how supportive you are of the team in the stands; they just want to see videos of you spumescently hurling abuse at the player they hate that week. If in doubt default to Ramsey or Theo. No matter what the result, you must also focus on something that is completely irrelevant. If possible, you also must conveniently forget your basic vocabulary and make up words. This sends the internet into a frothing frenzy and aids our climb toward the top of the internet rankings!
5. Play the victim
   The best way to do this is to spend precisely 93% of your time being rude and abusive to other people. Eventually someone will say something vituperative back to you or mention a family member is less than favourable terms. Consider this a victory for the adversity you will face is a badge of honour. It is proof that your passion for The Arsenal shines too brightly for some. If people don't like what you say it's because they can't handle the truth.
6. Never be happy
   No matter the result you must find something to complain about. Remember, your audience isn't fellow Arsenal fans who will worship the ground on which you walk or follow your words like a child hypnotised by the delicate notes of a piper's pan. Your audience is everyone else. The rivals who gleefully interfere with themselves as they watch your meltdown on YouTube. Your ability to be an embarrassment is your power. Happiness, satiety or even indifference is counterproductive to this and will result in fewer views.

Thank you all and together, we can make Arsenal the biggest thing on the web since ‘Covfefe.’

Yours,

The Arsenal

http://twitter.com/jokmanafc 

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