Good evening, welcome to BBC 8, the home of inane drivel.  Later, at 9:30pm we have a treat for you as Piers Morgan goes to Papua New Guinea and serves himself up as dinner to the cannibalistic locals, but now we present to you a nature documentary of a different kind.......

On this beautiful planet we live in, amongst the countless groups, gaggles, prides and murders of species that exist, the general rule of thumb is this; the group comes first.  Hunt and provide for the rest.  Specified roles, hunter, babysitter, watcher. Tonight, however, I will present to you a collective that offers the finger to Mother Natures rules, that relish the battles and wars that are produced from being a member of this genus. Tonight, I will bring to you The Arsenal Fan.

Alarm blares it's monstrous melody, forcing him to face 7am head on. He looks over to his partner who is miraculously still ensconced in dreams. He allows himself a few seconds to view his beloved in slumber, then his rigid discipline kicks him out of his dream state and reminds him firmly that training comes first. He clambers out of bed and into the en-suite. Shower turned on, the torrent of hot water serves not only to clean but revitalise. The finest of cleaning products produce a good lather but the scent of jasmine and coconut remind him of last summer in the Maldives. Shower off, then grab a towel off the rack.