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Rules Of Being A Gooner On The Internet

Hello there everyone, and welcome to my first blog on Goonersphere. If you don’t know who I am, don’t beat yourself up. I’ve only blogged five times before, but the lunatics at Goonersphere decided it would be a good idea to let me write my weird and nonsensical thoughts on this website. So here I am. Obviously there’s really no question what I’m going to be writing about. While I do enjoy dogs, sandwiches, and occasionally a bit of sleep, I, along with many of you, live, breathe, and sh!t Arsenal.

Talking about fecal matter, Luis Suarez seems to be close to completing a move to Barcelona. He’s a w*nker, but he’ll get Liverpool boatloads of cash. Hopefully they follow in the steps of Sp*rs and waste it all on the most average players in the world for some of the highest prices in the world.

Widespread rumours are saying that his transfer will free up Alexis Sanchez to join Arsenal. This would be an utterly fantastic signing for us, as his quick, explosive runs are basically made for Mesut Özil. Having said that, I do not trust anyone who claims to have any information unless it is officially announced by Arsenal. This isn’t to say I don’t think they’re credible, it’s just that I don’t want to get my hopes up on Arsenal buying good players, only to be let down when we buy Darren Bent on deadline day. Calling it here first.

Also, if I was like half the Arsenal fans on the internet and believed anything I read, we’ve already signed Fabregas, Sanchez, Martinez, Benzema, Schneiderlin, Remy, Balotelli, Griezmann, Bender, Casillas, Messi, Ronaldo’s son, and Tony Pulis’s cat with three legs and four eyes that p!sses on everything it likes the smell of. Sorry if I missed any.

By the way, speaking of Balotelli, what happened to him? According to Arsenal fans on Twitter, he went from the best player in the world, our savior, and the man Wenger should be sacked over if we didn’t sign, to sh!t. Make your f*cking minds up! I personally love to make fun of Manchester United fans for being the most plastic supporters in the world, but can we really talk when we’ve got this lot representing our fanbase online? Maybe I should do the world a favour and lay down the law of being an Arsenal fan online.

Rule 1

If you don’t know anything about a player or haven’t seen him play, that’s okay. Don’t f*cking pretend you’re a genius on the topic, and pop up with an irrelevant opinion that everyone knows is bullsh!t.

Rule 2

This sort of goes with Rule 1, but don’t base your opinion of a player on what they look like on YouTube. If you want to know how good someone is, watch several full matches or ask someone who watches them regularly.

Rule 3

Don’t retweet anything Indykaila says. You’re encouraging it.

Rule 4

Don’t be a twat.

I think those four rules cover everything really. If you have any questions or doubts about the first three and whether they apply to you, just refer to Rule 4.

With that, I bid you farewell. I plan to be back on Tuesday, venting to you the many musings and opinions flying around my incredibly small brain. Till then.

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Tags: Arsenal FC, Goonersphere, Suarez, Balotelli, Arsenal Football Club

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